


connection

by ace



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace/pseuds/ace
Summary: Ellie has a type and that type most definitely includes Aster Flores. / Ellie leans into being more masculine presenting. Aster was into them before, but definitely appreciates their newfound self-assuredness.
Relationships: Ellie Chu/Aster Flores
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	connection

**Author's Note:**

> @TERFs don't interact. Also, apologies and do let me know if I mess up the pronouns anywhere. I make mistakes.

Ellie Chu never considered their gender expression much. For much of their life, they felt disconnected to their body. It was simply a vessel to keep their brain alive so they could appreciate works of art and to get them where they needed to be. Their body did a good job with that. Ellie was privileged to have an able body.

Going to university was an eye-opener. Her hometown, Squahamish, wasn’t exactly known for its big Pride parades or queer scene. There was maybe one gender non-conforming person in their school year. Well, Ellie guessed they could be considered gender non-conforming, if their preference for functional, comfortable and available clean clothing meant anything. That was just pragmatism though. Not exactly a fashion statement or expression of their sexuality or gender identity.

University brought with it many queer friends and social circles. Ellie didn’t go looking for it, exactly, but maybe there was something to be said about the idiom, “Birds of a feather, flock together.” It started when another queer Asian slid up next to them in one of their introduction lectures. “Sara,” was her name. She was an out and proud bisexual woman, if the various pins and badges on her backpack and jean jacket were anything to go by.

Sara was a breath of fresh air. Just spending time with her made Ellie feel lighter and more comfortable to be themself. Sara was more outgoing than Ellie was too, and through her, Ellie was exposed to many more queer social circles and met their first in-person trans friends.

Meeting so many individual, unique queer people made Ellie realise there was no one way to be anything, and that that their own experiences with gender and sexuality were perfectly valid. Ellie could be and express themselves however they wanted, with no implication on their identity or orientation, and they didn’t have to meet some made up quota or criteria in order to identify with any particular label or be “queer enough.” It turns out, comment sections on the Internet were not representative of the whole community, and actually, most queer spaces were inclusive and anti-gatekeeping.

So that was… nice.

(Ellie couldn’t think too much about it, or else they would get sad for all the people who don’t have the privilege of being in inclusive, welcoming environments.)

Suffice to say, Ellie learnt a lot about themself during university. So there was a lot for Aster Flores, Ellie’s first love, to catch up on when they met up again, years after their senior high school dating adventure, if one could call it that.

/

Aster Flores didn’t care for dating. Not for any particular reason. She did it in high school because it felt like something that was expected of her. Family relatives were always asking whether she’s met a nice boy yet. Having a boyfriend seemed to make them think Aster was happy and they didn’t have to worry about her, as if Aster needed a boyfriend to take care of her. As if a boyfriend could take care of her.

Aster never dressed up for anyone except herself. She loves aesthetic things. She loves finding what she vibes with, what sparks joy, and surrounding herself with it, and incorporating it in her outfits. She loves changing her aesthetic up, or using it to convey certain images. She liked challenging people’s perceptions of her, as the deacon’s daughter, as a woman who’s conventionally attractive. People always underestimated her. Classic sexism. No one really expected much of her. Sometimes, that suited Aster just fine. She learnt to not let people’s assumptions bother her. She knew who she was. That’s what mattered.

Still... sometimes it would be nice to feel understood and not have to prove anything to anyone, to have someone always assume the best of her, and not have to provide background context and justification whenever she brings anything up, because they would already know. They would have been in her life when it happened. Someone to share her daily life and revelations with. Someone to bounce ideas off of, to learn and grow with and engage in constructive debate. Someone who listens and validates while also challenging and providing new perspectives, someone who she could actually have a discussion with. Not just someone she has to passively agree with out of fear of making them upset. She was done with those days, of being agreeable and inoffensive and not standing her ground.

Aster has always felt like a loner, someone standing on the outside looking in. It’s been a long time since she’s felt she’s had company, not since… well, Ellie Chu.

Aster likes to think Ellie Chu thinks about their friendship as much as she does, that maybe it was half as formative to Ellie as it had been for her. That said, Aster knows she would never be able to forget her first even if she tried. That’s the thing with firsts. They stick with you, and act as a reference point for all future relationships.

But first what? Aster didn’t know, and she didn’t care to label it. Whatever they had been, their relationship was still just as valid and meaningful to both of them as it would’ve been regardless of any “official” status. And whatever that kiss had been, that had taken Aster’s breath away, that she still thought about to this day (sometimes at night time in bed…) Well, that was something.

/

It was winter break. Ellie was sitting at the kitchen table working on an assignment when their phone screen lit up with a notification. It was chilly in the apartment, so Ellie was wearing multiple layers, mostly old clothes they had left at home when they went to university.

They were wearing contact lenses, having tried them while at university and appreciating not having to constantly clean their spectacles. It also helped being able to see anything when swimming at the pool.

Paul Munsky and her dad were cooking in the kitchen, but Ellie was so used to it by now, they easily drowned out noise with the help of noise-cancelling headphones.

Noticing the phone notification just before the screen switched to black again, Ellie picked up the phone when they spotted an icon they were all too familiar with, but it couldn’t be, could it? Aster sending them a message?

Ellie would never admit this to anyone, and especially not Paul, but they had spent numerous hours scrolling through Aster’s social media pages the past three years. There weren’t many photos of Aster herself, mostly posted by others who tagged her in them, but instead, lots of photos of her art, favourite books, scenery, travel, flowers and various aesthetic things. The captions were always fascinating, and an insight into how she was doing which Ellie was always keen to read.

Ellie was way too chicken to ever message Aster first though. Facing anything else the universe threw at them? Easy. Talking to a cute girl? No way. Especially not one they had intense feelings for back in high school and kissed the last time they were together.

Seeing that the notification was indeed a message from Aster, Ellie’s heart skipped a beat. They quickly skimmed the message.

“Hey, heathen. You’re in town?”

And that was it. Ellie smiled at the familiar teasing nickname, feeling themself calm at the friendliness.

“I am. What about you?” they typed back.

“Yes. We kept missing each other!” Aster typed back. Ellie watched the three dots indicating they were typing and waited. “Would you like to catch up? I can come to you. Maybe we can sit in the train booth again, like old times.” And then she added an emoji at the end, the one with glasses and buck teeth.

Ellie rolled their eyes. “Or we could go somewhere with more space?”

“We’ve had enough physical distance, don’t you think?”

Ellie stopped, and stared. Their thoughts raced as they rushed to examine that reply from every angle. Was that… flirting?

“Sure,” Ellie agreed, deciding to play it safe. They arranged a time and date.

When Ellie finally put their phone down and looked up to see how dinner was progressing, they saw Paul eyeing them curiously.

“Who was that?” he asked.

Ellie looked around, as if pretending to look for someone. “What? I was just texting a friend.”

Paul’s eyes narrowed. “A… lady friend?”

Ellie chose not to humour him with a response. “I have an essay to write.” They put their headphones back on and tried to hide their smile behind their laptop screen.

/

Ellie had seen Aster approach from a mile away. She was wearing another bright red item, this time a button-up shirt that was open at the neck. Ellie immediately straightened up from leaning against the train booth, having tried to concentrate on the book in their hands but ended up reading the same paragraph over and over again.

Ellie started walking to meet Aster halfway, where they then stopped six feet apart, facing each other. Aster had a soft expression on her face, and her lips were turned up. She was smiling affectionately expectantly. It was familiar, the look in her eyes. Ellie had to consciously remind themself to smile back so they weren’t just looking at her, slack-jawed. They made eye contact then, and after a brief moment’s pause that felt like forever, simultaneously burst into laughter.

“Hi--”

“Aster--”

They both started talking at the same time, and promptly stopped. Aster gestured with her hands. “You go first.”

“Thanks.” Ellie fidgeted with her hands in her pocket. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“You too, heathen.” Aster was smiling fully now, and walked forward to close the distance. Ellie watched, wide-eyed, as Aster immediately linked their arms and turned them both to start walking in the direction of the train booth. “You look good. And, what’s this?” Aster squeezed Ellie’s bicep with her free hand. “Ellie Chu is fit.”

She sounded impressed, and Ellie felt heat rush to their face. “I started swimming.”

“I can tell!”

They got to the train booth. Both of them looked around at the familiar scene, the familiar streets. The town they’ve grown up in. They were looking at each other again, eyes taking the other in, as if in awe. Ellie definitely felt like it was surreal, being back here with Aster again. Both of them were a little older now, a bit more hardened with life experience. There was new knowledge behind both of their eyes, but there was also the same sense of familiarity and connection they shared, that grounded Ellie in that moment.

The gorgeous woman standing in front of Ellie was still the same Aster they formed a genuine connection with in high school. They had both changed, but their essence was the same.

Ellie could work with that.

/

They had decided to go for a walk. Aster tried not to smile every time their arms would brush against each other. They caught up with each other’s lives. Eventually, they circled back to the train booth. Checking her phone, she realised it had been almost three hours. They had walked around most of Squahamish, and yet Aster could barely remember the route they had taken or anything they had passed. She had been so focussed on Ellie.

Ellie, who looked so good with their new self-assuredness and the fit of their new clothes. Aster knew she had a thing for girls, even before the whole thing with Paul and Ellie happened, and in particular, butch girls, so seeing Ellie leaning into a more masculine gender expression was… hot. There was no other word for it.

Aster felt a little ridiculous, being so fixated on Ellie’s looks when it had never been about that. They got to know each other from behind phone screens, after all, with one of them pretending to be someone else. But the two of them had history together, and Aster had waited a long time to see Ellie again, to see if their connection would be able to stand the test of time, which it has. So what now? Could they take this further?

She had seen the way Ellie behaved around her. She saw the furtive glances, the tension in their body that wasn’t discomfort, per se, but being on edge. She saw the appreciation in Ellie’s eyes, and the way their eyes would get caught on each other. The way Ellie would lick their lips, and then abruptly break the connection.

The sun had started to set. Shadows were cast by the streetlamps. Aster glanced around them. They were alone. Ellie’s dad wasn’t watching from the window. She looked back at Ellie. Smiled widely. Tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Ellie--”

Ellie kissed her.

It was nothing like the last time. It wasn’t desperate, or rushed, or even a surprise this time, though Aster still let out a surprised gasp that quickly turned into a moan. Ellie looked at her, checked her face and body language, and then moved closer, hand coming up to cradle Aster’s face and guide their lips together.

After the first urgent press of their lips, they parted, looked at each other and came back together again. It was softer, slower this time, with more intention.

Sometime in the last three years Ellie Chu had learnt how to _kiss_.

Aster vaguely felt herself being walked backwards until she was pressed up against the train booth. She tried to pull Ellie closer, because she wanted more, no matter that they were already as close as they could be while still having clothes on. Clothes, right. She pulled back and reached for the zip of Ellie’s light jacket, and started pulling it down when--

“Ellie? Aster?”

It was Paul Munsky, carrying two bags of groceries.

They broke apart. Ellie let out a very audible groan. “Yes, Paul?”

Aster took in Paul’s wide eyes and Ellie’s frustrated expression, and couldn’t help but start laughing. Her hands were still on Ellie’s chest, which was very flat--did Ellie bind? Ellie dropped their forehead onto the train booth wall, chin resting on Aster’s shoulder, face turned away from Paul. Aster could feel the heat emanating from their face. She could still hear Ellie’s ragged breaths, right in her ear. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wished she could transport the two of them to somewhere more private.

Paul read the room, and gestured towards Ellie’s front door. “I’m just gonna… go in… See you, Aster!”

“See you, Paul,” she echoed back as he retreated. When the door swung shut, Ellie raised their head and took a step back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… maul you like that.”

“It’s okay.” Aster laughed while she said it. “I can take it. You should go in. I’ll message you later, okay?”

“Okay.” Ellie was smiling, and then looked nervous again. Their eyes flitted down to their shoes and then back up. “Can I kiss you again?”

Aster’s heart nearly melted in her chest. “Come here, heathen.” And then she grabbed the lapels of Ellie’s jacket and pulled them back in.

/

“So, how is Aster?” Paul asked as they were having dinner in the living room. It was their usual set up and seating arrangements, and they were watching a Chinese drama on the television. Ellie had set up a good streaming service so their dad could watch anything he liked.

“Aster?” Ellie’s dad’s eyebrows raised in recognition. “The girl?”

“Aster’s fine,” Ellie told them both, in a tone that clearly shut down any conversation. Their neck felt flushed.

Their dad nodded, and there was a smile on his face. He was relieved to see his usually bruque child allowing themself to feel things out of their comfort zone. It was good to be out of one’s comfort zone sometimes, to grow.

Ellie ate the rest of the meal, barely paying attention to what was on the television. Instead, they thought back on the last three hours with Aster, their text conversations before they met up, and the physical intimacy they shared outside the train booth. It was a lot, and they couldn’t help but wonder what it all meant, and if Aster wanted them to be a thing as much as they did.

But that was absurd. Relationships are absurd and only lead to heartbreak. Why then, did they want their heart to be broken by Aster Flores so badly? Why did it feel like a risk they were willing to take?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written anything in years so any feedback and suggestions would be very much appreciated. Especially if you want me to explore anything in particular. I want to explore the butch/femme dynamic more because reasons. 👀


End file.
